I feel a little lonely. A little sad. Perhaps it was the book I read about the girl of the forest, slowly losing everything she loved. Perhaps it’s because I’m sitting at a cafe alone, and I wish I had someone to talk to, a friend I could open my heart to.
Things are changing though. When I came here there were a lot of people. The place was loud. Now there is only me, and the guy in black sitting against the wall. A woman walks up the stairs to take a seat at the table behind mine. We’re all sitting by ourselves, and somehow that makes everything better.
The sun is out. But it’s cold. For a moment I pretend I’m in another country, somewhere a little more south, as I look out on a brick bulding in pale orange and white, with slivers of sunlight on its cracked walls.
I enjoy people watching, and I smile as I see to women stop to greet each other, a quick hug and laughter before continuing on. The delivery guy is on the phone, his arms full of tulips. Tulips are everywhere. They’re the promise of spring.
I try to understand the anxiety I feel. Why I suddenly have such a need for hugs, friendship, cake and a good cry. Maybe it’s because I allowed myself to be vulnerable, let people see what I usually keep close to my heart, hidden away where no one can judge it. And I was not judged, I was welcomed with open arms and encouraging worlds. Still somehow my soul feels raw, my pride bruised.
I needed to get away, so I came here, to this cafe/restaurant of organic vegetables and raw chocolate cake. It’s not my favorite place, somehow it lacks heart, but I like it more now that I know I’m not the only one who comes here alone.
And I love that I can sit and look out the window, and do nothing except read and write. At home everything is shouting for my attention, there is always more to be done, and sometimes I just need a break to gather myself.
Cafes help. And chai latte. Chocolate eaten slowly. A walk in the forest. Observing people. Observing life.
What is your favorite place to go when you need to get away?