June 2014 archive

Letting go of fear

Letoile-PerdueOne morning Life knocked on my door. I said: I’m not letting you in! Life answered: I knocked on the inside.- Bertil Martinsson

What if I could live my life the way I want to. What if I can follow the way of love, and the path of the Goddess.What if the only thing I need to be concerned about is to be true to my own heart, to listen to my own soul and what it has to say.

Maybe all I have to do is follow my heart, and step forward when it tells me to. It will take courage, but it doesn’t matter if what I say is well received or not, if people agree of disagree, what matters is that I did what my heart told me to. My life is between the Goddess and I, between God and I, and that’s all there is to it.

I yearn to live my life for the Goddess. I’ve resisted because of fear. I thought I would be pushed to do things I didn’t want to, things I dreaded and that were just too much. Now I’m starting to see that it’s not like that. The path of the Goddess is the path of love.

There is still a cloud around me, a cloud of fear, doubt, depression and sadness. But I feel there is light on the outside, and I just need to open up to it. There is help, and love, so much love, but I’m still frozen in my old beliefs of abandonment. I think I’m all alone.

Still, it feels like a ray of light has penetrated my heart, bringing hope. I start to wonder, that maybe just maybe things are not so bad. Maybe I’ll be OK. Maybe I can let go of my anxiety and stop trying to control myself, everyone, and everything. Maybe I can let go of my fear that I have to be “good” or else I’ll get punished, and bad things will happen, and it will all be my fault.

I’m not quite ready to leave the cave, but at least I’m starting to look through the opening.

I’m beginning to see, that being good is to follow my heart. As I heal, I help heal others as well.