August 2013 archive

Morning

calinerie-largeShe’s sitting inside by candlelight. Outside the world is covered in mist. Everything is silent. Still. There is only the steady hum from the fridge, a car passing by now and then. The world is waking up. Slowly, then faster.

She feels tired yet is unwilling to go back to sleep. The day has already begun and she don’t want to miss out on anything.

A fly sits on the window. A pink candle is burning next to her, its flame almost unmoving. She feels hungry. Soon she’ll make breakfast.

The Forest

windswept-large You walk into a forest. Here you can let your spirit rest. 

There are no sounds but those of nature. You can feel yourself breathing. Slowly. The sun is on your face and in your hair. The air is cool.

Everything is different shades of green. The sun filters through the trees and lights everything up.

You feel your feet on the ground. Your skin tingle. The power of the earth goes through you, making everything flow again. You feel like crying. You want to just be but duty and guilt gets in the way.

But in the forest everything just is. There are no worries here. Everything is right.

You wonder why you don’t come more often. Will you go tomorrow? The day after? What if all this beauty passes and you’re not here to see it?

A crow can be heard in the distance. Fading. Then silence. A small stream trickles downs rocks and green moss. The ground is dry. It hasn’t rained for over a week. Its the last days of summer. Autumn is in the air. The forest is more silent than it used to be. The birds are leaving.

There is a small breeze. You feel it on your hands and feet, your face and in your hair. The treetops move gently against a white and blue sky.

A lonely bird sings sweetly. There. Its call is answered.

In this silence, can you feel what you truly feel? Do you know what you need? What worries you? Do you know how to let it go?

With you feet on the ground you can feel the healing energy of the earth. You can feel it in the air, in the beauty of color, in the dirt trail that winds between the trees.

You are loved. You are protected. 

A small voice whispers it to you. You feel hard, not knowing how to embrace this healing truth. Somewhere deep inside you feel like crying again. How do you open up to the unconditional love of the divine mother? She seem so distant at times. Is she even there?

Then, you almost see her. Walking between the trees. Silently. In a long, glittering gown. Your beautiful goddess.

I am here. I will never leave you. Allow the tears to come if you can. I embrace you with my love, my beautiful daughter. 

As I sit by the lake

564163_493863124022370_1515179141_nI’m sitting on a large flat rock by the water. It’s windy and I feel cold, though the sun still has some warmth in it. I should have brought my jacket.

The wind moves over the water and through my hair, making my skirt flap around my ankles.

The water is alive, singing, bubbling with noise. Small waves hitting the stony shore. I love the sound. It calms something within me, and brings me out of my little box of thoughts and worries.

The wind is increasing. I look up at the lake. Dark blue waters are  glittering silver in the sunlight. I know it’s pitch black beneath the surface.

I feel a little nervous. Is what I write good enough?

I turn my head towards the sky. A beautiful blue sky with dots of white clouds, some quite thin, like a streak of paint.

I had a cold yesterday. I know I shouldn’t be outside without a jacket. But the sun made it seem so warm. I forgot about the wind.

I feel autumn in the air, though summer is still holding on. The struggle between the two fascinates me. There is something about autumn that makes me want to write.

I see a plane way up in the sky. I can’t even hear it. It leaves a long white line behind it, breaking up the blue.

I hear cars on the road behind me. A rush of noise followed by a slow silence.

My feet are bare against the warm stone. I feel it’s time to go.

 

Evening reflections

604162_493610794021461_1203230310_nThe last days of summer. The light is turning golden, a new chill in the air.

I’m sitting on the my jacket, my bare feet touching the ground. A soft breeze makes the grass move, sway gently. The trees around me whisper something.

My feet tingle, like they always do when they’re naked against the earth. I feel a little thirsty, but I don’t want to move.

A small spider wiggles on a strand of grass, then stops. I wish it would leave. It’s ugly, a pale yellow brown with long, disgusting feet. It wriggles closer. I tense, move my legs slightly, but I’m still unwilling to get up.

I use my pen to make it flying, and end up losing the cap. The spider disappear. I have no idea where it is now. I think I made things worse.

I’m sitting in someone else’s back yard. The old house looks empty. I don’t think the old lady who owns it is here right now. She only visits during the summer. She has roses. As I passed them the air was filled with their scent. I wish I could take their sweetness with me into winter.

I feel worried. Worried that time is passing. Worried that I’m not doing enough, or doing them well enough.

I feel tense. I want to told onto time, control it. I’m not sure how to flow with life.

There is a bird in the bush next to me. Another answers from the forest behind me. The shadows are growing longer. Everything is so beautiful.

My mind wanders. Worries again. Have I done enough? Should I be doing something else right now?

I dreamt about dying last night. I really hope I go somewhere nice when I die.